Im dating a black guy
We stood there gazing at one another, he obviously embarrassed, pondering the same silent question; should I say something or just take this as a loss and walk back to the car?If you’ve never been in a situation where you are singled out and denied access to a space because of your race and then forced to decide what action will allow you to leave with a bit of dignity, let me tell you, it is always painful and humiliating.In fact, at a recent fellowship dinner at Columbia Law School, a wealthy, white businessman told me that the biggest business problem occurring in America is the inability of black women to find [black] husbands.He declared that this travesty is rooted in the black man’s inability to commit, not just to a woman, but also to a job.But, perhaps more shameful than being publically passed over is thinking that just maybe your life would be easier – better even – if you were dating a white man.While I was angry with the security guard and the establishment, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a tinge of regret at that moment for being with a black man or a hint of frustration at the very man who was just victimized and dismissed.Sometimes I am black, other times I am Indian or Latina, or I may be French, or just a white girl who tans a bit too much.Sometimes I am intimidating or a race-baiting Angry Black Woman, but I can just as easily morph into innocent and approachable.
The little ducklet follows a hen believing her to be (the missing) mama etc. Secondly, the difference between "being" Black and "datng" Black is as you have discovered a matter of commitment; and commitment is the primary component of maturity. Thanks again for your articles and Best Wishes JST Thank you! You stated that you consciously choose to primarily date black men describing it as the "unequivocally more perfect union" over privilege. If the "playing field" were more equal in terms of sexual and racial politics regarding Black men would you feel the same? Hi Domevelo - I believe (as is probably apparent from this blog) in the feminist adage of the "personal is political" and vice versa.
I choose to internalize their experiences of undervaluation, passed over promotions and emasculation.
I choose to carry the burden of [dating] black men, and I choose it often; 90% of the men I’ve dated are black.
But, choosing to date black men when somewhat more privileged unions are possible is, for me, the unequivocally more perfect union, and regardless of how “taxing” carrying the burden of dating black men can be, I wholeheartedly accept it.
is an intersectional activist, law student and founder of The Filthy Freedom Project, an online community dedicated to promoting open dialogue around issues of sex, sexuality and body image.
I knew that the Access Denied Pass did not extend to me – when I was in the “right” company, so shame on me for surrounding myself with such company, right? I still remember how I felt when I first dated a white man.